all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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