Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
