she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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