margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
