I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
