ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
