so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
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