I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
