i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
