btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
