The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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