if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
