Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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