I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
