i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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