have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
