I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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