my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
