he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize