Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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