turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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