hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
