Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
