I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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