So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
