oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
