Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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