There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
