I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
