I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
