You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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