we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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