you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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