I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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