i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
