I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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