I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
