New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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