i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize