After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
