Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
