He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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