in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
