We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
