I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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