at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
