are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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