i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
