This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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