I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
