it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
