I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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