I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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