Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
