We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
