Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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