his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No stitches, just platelets and will power
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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