you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
