He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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