you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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