her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
