I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
