I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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