I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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