I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
