You can't motorboat a personality
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
