Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
