DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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