Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
